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  • Writer's pictureTracy Haynes

Searching for Happiness

Updated: Apr 27, 2023

Everyone, it seems, is searching for happiness, but what actually is happiness? I guess happiness is subjective, as not everyone likes the same things.

I don’t have to look too far to validate this, as the things that make me happy are not the same as the things that make my partner happy. For example… I like relaxing Zen music, Tibetan singing bowls and meditating and he likes house music and spending hours mixing music on his decks. We both enjoy classical music and a good comedy, we love to laugh… laughing makes us happy, it’s medicine for the soul.

I enjoy painting and he loves playing golf. We both get on with our own lives and meet up to eat and walk with the dogs. This is fine as we are both doing things that make us happy and have much to talk about.

I think the mistakes I possibly made in the past were due to me giving my happiness to someone else to take care of. This never worked; putting someone else in sole charge of your happiness, to me now, is a very risky business. It is highly unlikely they are going to be able to fulfil your needs continuously and it can often become a burden to them.

Just because you fall in love with someone, doesn’t mean your entire happiness should depend on them. Giving away control of your happiness can leave you extremely vulnerable and possibly insecure. Whereas, if you are in charge of your own happiness, sharing that with someone else can be enjoyable, but not risky, as they cannot take it away, as it belongs to you. It is part of you. You are not reliant on their actions to be happy; this frees you up and alleviates insecurities.

I find being in charge of my own happiness brings me inner peace. I have so many things now that I enjoy doing without relying on anyone else. For example, I love to learn, I always have books waiting to be read, or even listened to now with audio books. I like listening to a good book or podcast, usually fact based, before going to sleep. Although my partner understands this, he has to have complete silence, that’s where a comfortable pair of headphones comes in handy. That way we are both happy!

I enjoy meditating; I find it totally relaxing and a great way to manage stress. It takes some practice, as initially the thoughts keep coming and interrupting, but the more you persevere the easier and more enjoyable it becomes. I love walking with my dogs, getting exercise out in nature and the fresh air; it helps me breathe more easily and gives me time to think. I enjoy writing and I am currently working on a book. I am dedicated to my work, which takes up quite a lot of my time.

I like to spend time with my lovely Dad, he is now in his late eighties and I am aware that I won’t always have him around. I speak to him every day, sometimes for only a few minutes, other times we can chat on for a while. We often go out for dinner together or sit and chat with a cup of tea. I am fully aware that these will one day become precious memories and I cherish making them.

My relationship with my father is one of the good things that came out of losing my beautiful Mum. Since my Mum passed away, I have spent so much time with my dad that our relationship has grown incredibly. The whole dynamics have changed now.

In the past, my dad would leave my mum and I chatting away, and believe me my mum and I could talk for hours and hours and hours! When I used to call them and my dad answered the phone, he would say a quick hello and ask if I was ok, then he would say “I’ll put your mum on.” Now, my dad and I talk, maybe not for hours and hours, but I know him much deeper now than ever before. He is the kindest and most genuine man I have ever known.

I love spending time with my family and friends, just simple things like going to The Art of Tea with my niece, enjoying specialised teas, chatting and browsing around the amazing second-hand bookshop. If you love books, as I do, it is definitely worth a trip.

I love having old friends over for dinner, catching up on each other’s lives. Chatting with my lovely nieces and nephews, hearing about the lives they are building. Spending time with my beautiful stepdaughters and meaningful conversations with my adopted son.

Mini-breaks with my siblings; reminiscing on our childhood and laughing at precious memories we have made over the years. Looking after my dogs, seeing their lovely faces and wagging tails. All fills me with happiness.

I love being in nature, it helps me recharge… and when times get tough, which as we all know they can, I find being in nature more important than ever. It is healing to connect with nature.

I feel so fortunate to have such beautiful surroundings around where I live. I feel grateful I get to see wildlife and nature on a daily basis… this truly makes me happy.

These are all simple and easy things I love to do and they don’t cost much, just my time really.

So… I suppose, happiness then depends on what you believe it to be… I’ve most definitely found it in the simple things in life.

All these things were always there,

I guess the difference is… at one time, I just couldn’t see them.



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